The days keep going. Thru and thru. In and out. Light to dark. Full of some ups, some downs. Lately I've been on the latter of those two options. Struggling to get out of bed in the mornings. Without motivation to get into the mountains. Isolated in the van. No real day to day friends that I get to interact with has been taking its toll. Feeling alone. Worrying about the future. Am I doing it right?
It's far too easy to fall into this trend and feel stuck. To feel like you're all alone in this process. Well, you aren't. Most of us deal with this frequently. The, "well, I'll do it tomorrow', day in and day out. Eventually, that shit will catch up to a serious amount of time if you don't find yourself a way to get out of it. Trust me, living isolated in a van and feeling blue as ever is not an easy position to escape. Just feeling like stuck in the clouds.
But the tides are ever changing. I'm trying to stay busy, here continuing to keep writing, daily stretching with some Trevor Hall in the head phones to just flow with it, some stationary exercise- squats, lunges, pistol squats, 8 minutes of a bunch of different core exercise. You are the only one that has the power to change it all. It's hard. It's easier to smash junk food and mope around. But life is short. Life is precious.
I have always wondered if it's some sort of residual affect from the 10+ concussions I've had in my life. Are they catching up to me? Or is it just some fear deep inside me that has me worrying that I'm not doing it right. That I won't succeed in my dream to get paid to travel the world to snowboard in the iconic regions of the world. I've put so much effort, time, energy, money, blood, sweat and tears into this process. And still if feels like it hasn't happened. Will it happen? It feels like things are trying to trend into that direction but damn it's discouraging.
However, this life I'm pursuing IS indeed providing me with happiness and joy. It is far to easy to want to now, not get it, and "throw in the towel". Well I'm truly reaching the later rounds of the fight... We will see how it turns out. Until then, keep your head high and keep chasing YOUR dream.